Gossip

The word gossip comes from the Anglo-Saxon words for God and sibling and originally meant "akin to God," thus referring to someone who was spiritually linked with another by giving a name to the other as a sponsor at his or her baptism. Then gossip came to denote "talking about another who belonged to the same community." Gradually it began to have a pejorative meaning. Now it means "taking an unwarranted interest in people's affairs," often by passing on unfavorable information about them.

Good and Bad Gossip

There is a proper place for talking about people in their absence in a constructive way, whether positively or negatively, even if the line between these two is not always easy to discern. There is also room for talking about others playfully, indeed as a form of play. This is just one form of talking about "nothing in particular," of talk for talking's sake, without any further intention.

So far as we can judge, gossip in the pejorative sense has always been a part of human life. There are many references to it in the Old Testament, especially in Proverbs. The gossip is one who betrays a secret or confidence and therefore cannot be trusted (Prov 11:13). The person who listens to gossip finds it hard to resist because it is so tasty (Prov 18:8; 26:22). It is a destructive activity, for it inflames quarrels (Prov 26:20) and breaks friendships (Prov 16:28). Gossips are also referred to negatively in the New Testament (2 Cor 12:20; 1 Tim 5:13).

Later times contain many examples of the way gossip based on untruths or half-truths has ostracized or destroyed a person in a small community (such as the condemnations of witchcraft in seventeenth-century Salem, Massachusetts) or in a particular institution (as in Lillian Hellman's variously titled play and film These Three and The Loudest Whisper). Today gossip in general has become a fulltime industry. The rise of the mass media, beginning with newspapers and culminating in television, has broadened the number of people who can eavesdrop helpfully or unhelpfully on the doings of others. The local gossip has given way to the gossip columnist,
whose sole profession is to relay news about people that others do not strictly need to know. While all societies have taken an interest in the doings of elite or disreputable groups within them, the focus on celebrities and criminals in modern societies has exponentially increased. Much of what passes for news today is simply a form of gossip, some defensible or harmless but much of it a form of public voyeurism in which we too readily become accomplices.

At the everyday level, gossip continues to be a fact of life in all kinds of groups. With the growth of large cities and breakdown of local neighborhoods, this is now concentrated more in the
workplace and in voluntary organizations like the church or school, though it can still appear anywhere. In some cases talking about others at work or at church is simply an informal way of keeping in step with what is going on and who is involved. It is a kind of human bulletin board or information exchange. In others it is simply a form of playful interaction, which is not designed to put anyone down or advance ourselves. Unless we are careful, however, this already contains some dangers and can easily spill over into something that is actually or potentially damaging.

We all have experience of the way in which one person or a small group can start unfounded or half-true rumors about others that soon become common property and are assumed to be basically true. Sometimes this is done unthinkingly; sometimes deliberately. Either way,even if the objects get a chance to privately or publicly respond, they find it difficult to clear themselves absolutely. Gossip has a way of sticking, partly because it throws its target on the defensive and into a self-justifying mode (the "Have you stopped beating your wife?" syndrome) and partly because our fallen human hearts secretly enjoy hearing about others' failings (in order to bolster ourselves). In such settings, even within the family circle, we need to remember the New Testament warnings that we will be judged for every idle word that we utter (Mt 12:36) and that a small spark can begin a raging forest fire, one that eventually consumes ourselves as well as
others (Jas 3:5-6).

How Can Gossip Be Sanctified?

We should recognize that some forms of talking about others, even behind their backs, is a natural human activity. We belong to a wider society, and there are certain matters affecting its well-being, or our common interest, that it is not improper to hear or tell others about. We also belong to primary or more extended communities within which there is a legitimate place for talking about each other's concerns. For example, when a member of the community in difficulty shares the trouble, others are enabled to respond helpfully. Furthermore, good gossip is a way of maintaining communal awareness and communal identity and of reminding ourselves of our bonds with and obligations to others. As the poet-essayist Kathleen Norris explains, gossip can provide comic relief for people who are living under tension and can be a way of praising or thanking others who have done individuals or the community a good turn (p. 76). Gossip is often the way small groups, institutions and places express their solidarity.

We should recognize that some forms of talking about others are illegitimate. For example, we should not generally share information about others that they would not share themselves, especially when this woul d injure their reputation or embarrass them in any significant way. If in doubt, we should first seek their permission to do so. We should also keep people's secrets and confidences when these have been entrusted to us. This has to do directly with faith, for by this means we "keep faith" with, or remain faithful to, those who have trusted us with some private information. To breach this faith is to act in an ungospel-like way. It is also a form of theft: people's experiences are basically their property, and they have a right to share them with others. In such
cases we must allow them the privilege of telling their own story.

We should recognize the necessity of avoiding the company of those who take an unwarranted interest in others' affairs and who are overly talkative about this (Prov 20:19). People often engage in this as a response to some weakness, failure, need, or longing in themselves. The Bible suggests that when people have too little to do, or are too much on their own, they have a tendency to gossip (2 Thess 3:11; 1 Tim 5:13). We should exercise care ourselves when we find ourselves personally in such a situation and should help others we encounter at such a time to
avoid the temptation to "say what they ought not." We should also help those who have too little to do to find a more constructive outlet for their energies and those who are too much alone to find a community within which their need to share with others will find a more legitimate expression.

Despite these clarifications and strategies, it is still sometimes difficult to tell the difference between harmful gossip and appropriate conversation. How can we discern this? We can do through examining our motives and asking God for wisdom before we say anything; through checking with someone we trust who is also in possession of the information; through asking whether we would, if necessary, be willing to say to others face to face what we are willing to say behind their backs; through learning from the experience of being the objects of gossip ourselves. If we are wise, we also learn from our mistakes, that is, through trial and error.

As Kathleen Norris reminds us, at its best gossip can be

morally instructive, illustrating the ways ordinary people survive the worst that happens to them; or, conversely, the ways in which self-pity, anger, and despair can overwhelm or destroy them. Gossip is theology translated into experience. In it we hear great stories of conversion. . . as well as stories of failure. We can see that pride does really go before a fall, as through it we keep track of those who are undergoing some major lifechange, or who are suffering some major loss; if we are really aware when we gossip we are also praying, not only for them but for ourselves. (p. 76)

» See also: Conversation

» See also: Listening

» See also: Speaking

References and Resources

K. Norris, Dakota: A Spiritual Biography (New York: Ticknor & Fields, 1993).

— Robert Banks